Today’s Tuesday Toolbox is about Big Girl Panties. In my case, the lack thereof.
I seem to have misplaced my BGPs quite some time ago. I never realized that they were gone until it was time to write and submit my first news assignments for the part time reporter gig I picked up. I can’t tell you how much anxiety, sweat and tears I’ve spent this week on writing two fairly simple news pieces. It’s almost indescribable.
So, there I was – staring at a blank computer screen with 15 pages of notes in my lap and ear buds playing back the recorded audio from the school board meeting. Full on panic attack set in and I couldn’t even think let alone write.
While in the throes of high anxiety, it hit me. I haven’t been able to finish anything I’ve started in a very long time. Okay, I’m stuck on all fronts. But, I still don’t know why. Morning Pages haven’t uncovered the identities of the Demon of Don’t, the Chancellor of Can’t, or the Warrior of Won’t.
I extended one of my deadlines with my editor, then I didn’t deliver on that or the second deadline. Full on hysteria was creeping into my world, bringing with it overwhelming nausea caused by the stench of failure.
Somewhere, somehow, on Sunday I found my BGPs. Tattered and threadbare, there they were. No fanfare, no ‘aha!’ moment. Still no real answer to my question of why. But I did find enough confidence to finish both articles, turn them in (albeit late) and I am once again finally calm – or maybe just thoroughly exhausted.
Note to self – never again misplace the trusty BGPs! And, while I’m at it – I may just knit myself some new ones, maybe this time with kevlar. 😉